THE RISE OF JELLO WRESTLING

 

By Scary Barry Rodriguez          January 22, 2014

Honolulu , Hawaii - Every trip I make to Hawaii is one of discovery. My latest find occurred at the Snappers Bar and Grill Restaurant located on Ala Moana boulevard in Honolulu. Me and my co-conspirator Merlin Paul stopped there for a quick pizza. Our server was Jessie Root. The Scary one noted that Jessie was in good physical shape and friendly. 

We learned that Jessie is the founder of the ancient art of Jello wrestling. In a typical jello wrestling contest two women square off against each other in a pit of red jello. The object is to remove four ties that are affixed to both the arms and legs of your opponent. Then these ties are deposited in a bucket near the pit. Whoever accomplishes this feat is declared the winner.

Linda Blair, The Exorcist

Further research revealed that jello wrestling started as an underground sport much like fight clubs. In vacant warehouses , barge decks or any variety of locations women jello fighters have evaded authority and fought underground jello wrestling grudge matches. This fierce form of fighting has remained under the society's radar for many years , until now !

Ariana Richards, Jurassic Park,
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Jessie " james " Root was kind enough to demonstrate some basic jello wrestling techniques for us. I was impressed by her agility and speed. It was fortunate that we hadn't made any inappropriate remarks to her before learning of her fighting skills. It sends chills up my spine just thinking about being on the receiving end of one of Jessie's slime strikes !

At this time Jello wrestling is not a nationally recognized sport. It is only a matter of time until a Jello Wrestling League is formed ! Male chauvinist everywhere beware ! The next women you clown just might be a well trained Jello wrestler that will reduce you to a mere trembling heap of humility.





The Scary one is not eager to test my combat skills against Jessie " James " Root. I'm certain she would make short work of me and I'd be spending many hours removing bits of red jello from my entire body. If everyone engaged in Jello wrestling they wouldn't be overweight like me ! So I give my hardy endorsement to Jello wrestling as a good form of exercise. If I was an affluent person I would hire Jessie as my bodyguard.

(R)  Jessie " james " Root, Snappers Bar and Grill Restaurant

This article is dedicated to meek people in all walks of life. I don't believe you will ever inherit the earth but if you know Jello wrestling you just might fend off the local bullies ! Be a warrior learn Jello wrestling !

BarryRodriguez (c) 2014. All Rights Reserved.

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